Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

a girl who's still trying to figure out who she really is.

Gwarh. December 27, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — heidyquah @ 5:03 am

Piss me off, step on me, use me, take advantage of me and…

 

I  might WILL SLAP YOU.

 

K . No, I won’t.

 

I will,

 

GLARE AT YOU

SCREW MY FACE UP

TAKE A DEEP BREATH

AND SLAP YOU

ANDDDD  make you regret doing so :)

 

13 August- a stepping stone. December 24, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — heidyquah @ 7:40 am

13 August marks a very important date for me.

 

Every time I  think about how much I dread going back to school, and how much I hate school, I remind myself that school is a place where I can make a difference. This is just my temporary home. I remind myself that in the position I am in now, I am blessed with the power and ability that I never had before to make choices and decisions that can and will make a difference and impact the future  generation. If I try hard enough, I’ll be able to see the change that I’ve always wanted to see before I leave high school. And in these precious 7 months before I step down, I will try my best to make THE difference and bring THE change. I don’t believe in living a life for myself. Instead, I believe in living a life for others. I believe in making a difference wherever I am. I believe in standing up for my rights no matter what others might think of me. I believe in helping others overcome their obstacles. I also believe in encouraging others- because everyone needs encouragement. And I honestly do not care about fitting in. Why try to fit in when we’re all born to stand out?  God, please help me lead my example.

 

 

56 things to do in a lift. December 16, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — heidyquah @ 5:28 pm

credits to Abigail Hua :) I stole it off her blog cos its so entertaining!

I posted this before, but I’m gonna post it again only because it made me laugh.

1. When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”

6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”

7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12.Ask, “Did you feel that?”

13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14.When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they open again!”

15.Swat at flies that don’t exist.

16.Tell people that you can see their aura.

17.Call out, “Group Hug!”and then enforce it.

18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?”

20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.

22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, “I have new socks on”.

26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the otherpassengers, “This is MY personal space!”

27.Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

28.Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn’t you.

29.Hold an auction.

30..Do the “potty dance” all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

31.Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.

32.Throw a rave.

33.Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you “won’t ride an elevator that’s not fung shui.”

34.Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you “Admiral”.

35.Hum the first six notes of the “It’s a small world” over and over again.

36.When you brush past someone, whisper “Was it good for you too?”

37.Lean over to another rider and whisper ‘Noogie patrol coming!’”

38.Have a heated debate with yourself.

39.Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

40.Drum on every available surface.

41.Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out “pirate” maps to everyone as they enter.

42.Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.

43.Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

44.Say “ring ring,” then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

45.Propose to the other passengers.

46.Challenge people to duels.

47.Sell girl scout cookies.

48.Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor.

49.Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger…”I’m kinda nervous…this is my first time flying…”

50.Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

51.Stick your tongue out. Act like it’s a cigarette, and ask someone for a light.

52.Pitch a tent on the floor, and “camp out”

53.Say – “I touch myself” and then say “Urgh, What is wrong with you, that is disgusting” to someone in there

54.Stand inside the lift looking all official, and when someone enters , say “Good morning Immigration” , “Can I see your passport please”

55.Push buttons manically and shout what’s the codes to open the doors

56.Stare at the person next to you until they notice then as soon as they look at you look away and mutter into your coat, suspect has got visual…

 

November 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — heidyquah @ 9:44 pm

I seem to manage to solve people’s problems most of the time. But why can’t I solve mine? I’m sorry that you have to see me at my worst.

 

I hate being in this state.

Filed under: Uncategorized — heidyquah @ 9:41 pm

there’s so many things that once hurt me, but I managed to block it out. Why can’t I block this one out too? It’s causing me so much pain and I stay up not knowing why all this is happening. I often try to find an answer to this but I can’t. I’m always able to find solutions and ways to make others feel better about their problems but why can’t I find anything to make myself feel better?

 

The truth hurts more than anything. November 14, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — heidyquah @ 10:27 pm

” it’s not nice seeing such a pretty girl getting drown with a fake smile. Make it real :)”

 

P.s/ this is NOT a self pity post. This is.. simply me expressing myself because I really need to right now. If you don’t like that, don’t read it okay?

-

 

It’s 5.50am and I’m up at this time. I’ve been up at this time for weeks now.While everyone is sleeping, I am not. This is simply because my body doesn’t allow me to. It’s been ages since I slept.. at a proper time. There are so many thoughts running through my head. My mind’s just really messed up and I don’t why and how things turned out this way. All I know is that these past two months has honestly been very,very painful for me. I spend hours crying my eyes out and I don’t sleep enough. I cancel on my activities just because I don’t feel up for it.  And honestly, I’m really really scared of who I’m slowly turning into. I am no longer me. I am no longer the girl I used to be. I am full of anger.. and sadness. I snap at people that I shouldn’t snap at. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I lost my passion to change the world.  I lost my ever-encouraging spirit. I lost.. the joy I once had in me. I simply can’t find joy in making cards anymore. Or even when I do, I spend ages on it, make it look pretty and finish it up.. then throw it away. I’ve got about what, 20 cards at home that are meant for other people just that I don’t give it to them. And all this is happening simply because I lost the thing that meant the MOST to me. And as scary as it all seems, this is making me loose my faith as well. I hate myself for that.

 

So if you ask me, ” how are you?” I’ll tell you that I’m fine. That I’m okay. But honestly, I am NOT okay. Things just gets worse and worse everyday. It’s beeen a struggle.. just to get through a single day. Yes, I may seem fine on the outside when you see me at meetings, outings, youth or what not. But when I’m alone at home, it get’s bad. Real bad. How do I look at the positive side of this? How do I tell you that I’m not okay? I may have told a few of you about what’s been happening, but no one really knows every single detail. You guys just know the not-so-painful part. I can’t bring myself to tell you everything. Yet I feel a need to talk to someone about this.. because it’s slowly eating me up and making me a very bitter person. Like I said, it gets worse every single day. Maybe one day, when I’m ready, alright?

 

Don’t tell me it’s gonna be fine when you don’t know that yourself. Don’t tell me that it’s okay.. because honestly, it isn’t okay at all for me. I am NOT saying that YOU need to go through MORE pain than I have been going through to understand how I feel. I am NOT saying that you have to be smarter and more compassionate to understand how I feel. I don’t wish for you to understand or know how I feel because honestly, I hope you will never ever have to feel this pain.  So if you want to be a friend, you don’t need to try to understand me, neither do you have to tell me it’s okay- because we know it’s not. All you need to do is.. listen, alright? :) But if you can’t, it’s okay. It really is.

 

I’m sorry to whoever that..I’ve snapped at lately. I’m sorry if you feel that I don’t appreciate and cherish our friendship. I do, I really do. I’m sorry that you have to see me at my worst and I’m sorry for turning into this bitter person that’s so filled with anger, frustration and sadness. It has been a really really painful few months and I’m hurting really badly. But give me awhile and let me get back on my feet again and I’ll be me soon enough alright? :) What I need now more than anything is your prayers and support. Please  help me be me again.

 

I am not okay, but I will be in time.

 

As for now, I love you guys and I appreciate every single one of you ( though I don’t show it at times). I’ll be me.. soon enough. Thank you. God bless you.

This post.. was just to clear things up a little.

-

P.p.s/ Yes, I’m broken from a relationship. But PLS AH it’s not a boy-girl relationship. Uhhh, not a girl-girl one pleaseandthankyou. It’s waay bigger and more important than that.

 

:) November 7, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — heidyquah @ 4:46 pm

Wow, I just realize that there’s many people who still come here.. although it’s been dead for ages now. I check my blog stats often, hahaha don’t mind me :) By the way , I shifted. http://www.heidy-walkingbyfaith.blogspot.com :) see you there!

 

 
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